For weeks, I've had this fear.

I dismissed it and pretended like I wasn't scared. Yet, it persisted.

I even tried ignoring it, hoping it'd go away.

It didn't.

Rather, it became intense. And after awhile, I started feeling guilty for feeling fear.

What was I so afraid of? You might ask.

Well..., I was afraid of my future.

To be more specific, I was afraid that I might not like the future that God would give me.

Last year, I completed my NCE training and I was unsure of my next course of action. For awhile, I was indecisive about the course that I wanted to study, but then I finally made a choice.

I was soooooo convinced that God put this choice in my heart. I was constantly daydreaming about how my life would turn out if I study this course. [I've recently realized that this behavior is called 'maladaptive behavior', and it's extremely dangerous to a Christian. Hopefully, I'll talk about this soon. God is working on this with me.]

When it was finally time to register, I wasn't able to register my choice. The other option was the course that I initially didn't want. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a bad option. The problem was that I was so convinced that my choice was the best one for me.

I had a hard time swallowing this bitter pill. But, I went ahead and registered.

That's when the fear started.

During this time, my mind was a mess.

Praying became quite a struggle, I felt guilt for feeling fearful and rather than pouring out my heart to God, about how I felt, I'd confess the fact that I was scared as sin [during a prayer session, I would say "God please forgive for feeling fearful, I know fear is a sin. Please forgive me." This was not a bad thing to do, however, I didn't feel the need to tell God why I was scared. Infact, I thought that God would be angry with me if I confessed WHY I was scared🤦🏽‍♀️] or other times I would just dismiss it. But deep down the feeling still burdened me.

Likewise, whenever I read my Bible, this fear would plague my mind, and suddenly, I won't want to read my Bible anymore.

Recently, I watched a Christian YouTube video where the speaker said; "God is secure." That is to say that; God can handle my baggage and I don't need to keep things from Him due to fear of being judged or punished. [This is a behavior that all humans have. No matter how close you are to your earthly parents, there are things you keep from them due to fear of being judged or misunderstood. There's no parent on earth that can say that they know their child a 100 percent. If you think you do, trust me, you don't. For Christians, however, this behavior shouldn't be a part of your spiritual life.]

That night, I poured out my heart to God. I told him in detail EVERY SINGLE THING that I was thinking. I poured out my fear and doubts. After I prayed, I literally felt lighter. I felt immense joy and peace and I was beaming from ear to ear. A heavy load had been lifted from my heart.

It didn't end there though. 😂

Today, God sent me a scripture; Psalm 128.

For reference, these are the first two verses;

Psalms 128:1-2 NKJV

Blessed is every one who fears the Lord, Who walks in His ways.When you eat the labor of your hands, You shall be happy, and it shall be well with you.

God's love is truly overwhelming.