I was always the quiet child—the unproblematic one.

But, trust me, I had problems.

Most times, it felt like I had over a 100 open tabs in my mind. I had severe headaches due to my frequent roaming thoughts.

You could say I overthink, but...that would be putting it lightly.

I had responses to conversations I had not had.

I had reactions to situations that were not likely to happen to me.

For context; I would often think about how I would react if I won a race. I would imagine my facial expressions and even hand gestures. If I ever got interrupted, I would go over it again until everything was perfect.

This would often go on for hours.🤦🏽‍♀️

Recently, I found out that this behavior is called maladaptive daydreaming.

I was home for three years after secondary school. I spent most of this time constantly daydreaming about having a friend called Daniel Amadi. Due to my frequent daydreaming, my perception of reality was so warped that at one point, I went on Facebook to search for "him". 🤦🏽‍♀️

Daydreaming drained me, yet I couldn't stop.

Daydreaming gave me severe headaches, yet I relished it.

Infact, I preferred daydreaming than talking to my friends and family. During this time, my mom took me to a church so that they could drive the demon out of me. 🤦🏽‍♀️ (this is a story worthy of a newsletter 😭 I'll share it soon)

The day I realized that this was a problem, I was scrolling through TikTok.

A lady was sharing a testimony of how God delivered her from the habit of maladaptive daydreaming. She said that MD is a coping mechanism that people adopt when they're going through some traumatic event in their lives.

That's when it clicked!

I started daydreaming right after my dad died. I would imagine him being alive and having evening talks with me, just like we always did.

But then it escalated.

Whenever I felt crappy about my reality, which was literally everytime, I would lock myself in a room, put on some good music, close my eyes and imagine a life where everything was perfect.

For a christian, this behavior shows a lack of faith in God's craftsmanship. We, as christians, claim that we want to follow God's path for us. Yet, we imagine a life where WE believe that we'll happy. (So technically we're saying that we're not happy with our reality 🤷🏽‍♀️)

As soon as this veil fell from my eyes, I sought God in prayer and He has been faithful. Although, there are days where I slip up, but His holyspirit always checks me.

Right now, I enjoy living in the present and God has filled my heart with so much peace and contentment. 😌

And you can too. ❤️